Butane and the Beast

Life goes on. Quietly and comfortably. And…analyzing fairly acceptable Disney remakes. I’ll just jump in….Belle and the Beast…what’s really going on there.

So, turns out there’s this guy who’s cursed at some point for being a selfish dick. Why a stranger intervened without prompting is irrelevant but, imagine for a minute if we were all as lucky, and got that chance to see our mistakes in this kind of light. There’d be a lot of fucking beasts walking around. This I know.

And this poor sap, it can’t be just any old love. He needs to find real love. True Love (yeah, right), before all the petals fall from his ‘rose’ (Hey, don’t we all, brother). Good luck to him.

By pure unfortunate circumstance, he finds an intruder in his *super awesome*, peaceful but lonely, castle (and, by God, don’t touch his collections either). Daughter comes to save the intruder, i.e., her fatherBeast threatens to kill intruder unless daughter falls in “Love” with Beast. Yadda, yadda, yadda?…Can’t we just watch JFK?

But, death threats for forced emotion aside…*clears throat*…

How does he ever expect to coerce someone into loving him? This guy is an asshole. He’s picky, set in his ways. Private about his personal space. Socially awkward. A messy eater and mood swings like a motherfucker. Pretty hard to deal with, on the whole, I’d say. That sorceress was right. Total selfish dick. But, is he really?

Can we blame him? I mean, after all, he’s fine where he is. He has his hobbies (I would assume). He doesn’t bother anyone. He’s got trust issues with the the townspeople, for good reason, because I’m 100% positive he never asked an angry mob of strangers bearing weapons and fire to beat down his door. He wasn’t looking to make trouble. But, let’s be honest, he’s got some major problems, this guy. He’s had some bad luck. Made some mistakes. Maybe one too many indiscretions between him and those female wolves out in the woods that he doesn’t like to bring up (gotcha thinking now though I bet). Sure, it would be nice to not have a black heart anymore…I guess. To be his old self again. Man just needs a girlfriend. One that sticks around this time. And can’t seem to pull it off. He’s as clueless as the rest of us.

But he tries.

He gets a bad rap from the nosy townsfolk who figure that since he’s different and quiet, he just has to be trouble. And hes cranky and withdrawn because he’s misunderstood and afraid to reveal his shortcomings (even though I’ve got great teeth and don’t have to shave my eyelids or forehead, I can still relate). A Catch 22 of Fairy Tale proportions. Moving on.

He’s got this handful of great friends who help him out. They care about him and stay by his side. They advise. They’re loyal. They look out for him. But the time has come and they are all but screaming Gurrrrl, you are NOT leaving this house because we can not babysit this jerk anymore!! We’ve got lives to lead! And, even more urgently, Don’t mess this one up, you big furry crybaby!

So he tries. He’s an argumentative cuss and WAY out of his comfort zone. He attempts to change his ways. Lets the guard down a little. Which I give him credit for, because it’s been a long fucking time since he answered the door for a stranger. He learns. He warms up. Bends, as the song would suggest.

In other words, he tries. If you can get past the fact that he initially tries for selfish reasons…he still tries. And he does love her. Unreservedly. He does. If he didn’t? That spell wouldn’t have been broken, now would it. Woulda just been getting another smooch from a Townie.

So, until my particular personal curse is broken, I’ll be minding my business, dusting my collections, being suspicious of villagers, mixing metaphors like a Cuisinart, and shopping online for velvet capes. Luckily there’s a shitload of petals left on the rose. Black heart or not. No fucking rush. I’m good.



12 thoughts on “Butane and the Beast

  1. OMG, are you on pain meds!? 🀣🀣🀣


    1. I guess you wouldn’t know would you!?? πŸ€”


  2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ plenty of time.


    1. Abbbsolutely. Live and learn.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Delightful. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is quite possible the best thing I’ve read in a long time! Oh I needed to laugh today!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 🀣🀣🀣 Oh good! I keep skimming it intermittently and laughing at myself! Lollllll

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I have laughed so hard. By God, your sense of humour is captivating. I would be hogging if I reblog this post too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! No not at all, I’m glad you liked this. πŸ˜‚Its one of my favorites but was one of the first things I posted on this page and not many people saw it. Im laughing because was so crabby when I wrote this lolollll


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