I got my list for tomorrow and I’ve made a grave mistake. Somehow I’ve confused Dolphins for Sea Turtles…😍😍😍. Turtles, though hearty, cute and full of energy, are roughly the age of three. I may be in over my head…in three feet of water. There will be a lot of tentative small people dunking their heads under a hula hoop. And me getting splashed in the face. All…day.
I’ve already met with a great deal of the staff and dare I say most of them might be normal. While usually wrong about such things, I’ll hope for the best and just be glad for the social interaction with people who aren’t judging the shit out of me. Well…not yet anyway. You know how that goes.
This would be a good illustration of what doesn’t care if it kills you, makes you realize what a fucking idiot you were (You can quote me on that). And it helps put out that candle. The one you intended to hold forever for some strange reason, put it out already you gross jerk, this was never a thing…not yet…DO IT!…NO!…fingers burning…ow. Okay…may be time to rethink this.
While I much prefer candles to chintzy sparklers, I won’t be mentioning my “hopes” to anyone…not again. And while I’m at it, fuck nerdy wishes and quote unquote dreams, too. It’s only trouble. I know what I want. And it’s not my innards on a plate for a stranger to look at. That stuff is all for me. I can’t guarantee it will stay in my head forever, but…I’m restructuring this shit. Now. And I won’t bleed for another human ever again. Not unless I was there when they were born.
I’ve been given several second chances in my life. And I’m grateful, but I always think of something Tupac said in one of his movies that came out after he died…”You ever feel like your luck’s running out? Lately I’ve been feeling like my luck’s running out.” It’s safe to say that I won’t be speaking from beyond the grave, so I tend to say everything I want to, when I want to. But it has to stop. It has to. Before my luck runs completely dry. I have to give a shot at keeping my fucking heart, and mouth, quiet. I have learned! Lawd, I learned! Swearsies!
On this the eve of what marks a new start for me, new responsibilities, new opportunity to rebuild, new chance to put negative energy behind me, new hope (there’s that word again) to care and actually be cared for someday, I wont be holding candles or starting fires of any kind for that matter. Nor will I be jumping into any burning buildings, active volcanos, sinking ships or bad episodes of Real Housewives.
And, literally and figuratively speaking, staying out of the deep end.