Soft Simplicity, Like it or Not

When I care about someone, I like to share *with* them the things that bring me happiness. I look at it as pieces of my heart I can give to them. Things that others might not necessarily know. Or absolutely not know. I will tell someone who is special to me. Someone who holds that space in my heart. 

Which makes it that much more painful when you’re disregarded as unimportant. It tells you those pieces of you were unimportant. Your happiness was unimportant. So, these things get tainted and you’re left to deal with it daily, rebuild your self worth, and still be able to look at those things that brought you happiness through the black film that’s left on them. Those pieces of me. The ones I treasure when other people share. Peace.

I’ve realized that there’s no easy road to rebuilding my self worth. Doing it alone. I’m devastated. Which I haven’t said yet. Because it never made one bit of difference. But…I am. And that alone is going to block many roads out for me. But it’s my problem. Only my problem. It was always only my problem. Which I didn’t expect, but then again, I never do. And yet. I keep getting on the ride.

SO!…One of the things I feel like I can do to clear that road for myself is start to embrace those little things once again. Instead of allowing them to be taken from me, too. Instead of side-eyeing them and feeling angry and sick to my stomach. That would be me giving up and giving in to heartlessness. Those little bits of me that make me smile. The ones I share hoping someone else will smile, too. Maybe know they aren’t alone, whether they want to be or not.

Fact is, there is no one who is going to protect those special parts of you that you give up, those confidences. And you can’t ever get them back. You can’t take them back. Ever. It’s done and over. I won’t say be careful with them…cause that isn’t me. But I will say, you are the only one who can ever truly protect those pieces of you. And since I still believe in connection in the place of hatred, I’m gonna start small and clean the film off of these. Because they bring me happiness God dammit!

These were small. But they were important to me. A special memory and purity. So, regardless, I will still allow them to bring me happiness…and not just scroll down. Which would be taking the easy way ‘out’.

From me to you. Enjoy 😊

…now…I’ve got a bouncy house and waterslide installation to go supervise.

Sam

Chibird.com
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10 thoughts on “Soft Simplicity, Like it or Not

  1. I fight through the humiliation of having been too honest and too available towards those whom really didn’t care. I gave up sleep to be there….knowing that I would have to be there for so many others in a few hours of rest. It’s humiliating because in the end it made me feel naive, gullible, weak, and lacking dignity and self-respect…self-worth, all while being questioned about my emotional state, etc. I felt like I could have no other feeling but always being bubbly and happy….while allowing the other person to vent, repetitively. God forbid I show contrary emotion to joy. I refuse to let anyone take my softness and love away. Thank you for your words. You know they mean a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am really enjoying your blog. I’ve spent many years getting to the place I am now which is…. I love me! Am I always kind and generous? No. I try to be but I’m human and I have bad days. Am I still open and tender hearted? Most definitely. I play like a child and look for butterflies, ladybugs, rainbows…anything big or small that brings joy.
    Sounds like you’re doing the same. AWESOME!🌈🌠☮☯🐾🕊🐞🌻🌴🍀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! Absolutely! Those are the simplest pleasures in life! And they are there at all times if you let them in. I started over here recently after being on almost 2 years. I’ve had a few, erm..defining moments recently and I have to say…I’m happy I’m finally back to the me I’ve been looking for since my divorce. I didn’t enjoy most of how I got here but it’s quite a load off of me to go back to those simple things again (and decent people!) that I enjoy most 😊 Pretty sure I’ve reached my drama threshold. Thank you again-Sam

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  3. Cute! I haven’t seen that one. Thought they were Nataliedee at first.

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    1. I think natalie faded into obscurity after one too many dickpaint jokes. This isn’t exactly the same thing!

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    2. …not for nuthin, that is…

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  4. The first part of this blog – it is what I am going through now. So much of me, I found in someone who chose no. Now it’s hard to get back to me when everything is bittersweet. But, we try!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed. 😟There’s a line in between bitter…and sweet. It’s hard to get to the middle, but that’s where I sit now. Will be easier to cross over as time goes on I would think. This is my first time having to wonder that. But I’m determined to go as far right as I can.

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  5. I haven’t been through a divorce but your ability to find parts of yourself to love and care for/about remind me that I need to do the same – just for ‘normal’ daily life, really.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s a first instinct to want to cover up the parts that bring things to mind I’d rather not think of…but more ‘me’ to hold on to them. That does make everything feel more normal 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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