There isn’t any formula for any of this. Being special to someone. Making somebody happy. Finding a partnership. Finding… “finding”. Fitting into a partnership. You can’t find something you aren’t a part of yet. But you can find ways to make one work. If that’s what you want.
I never…never expected this year to go the way it did. But I absolutely will not cry writing this. Maybe anyway. None of it was what I wanted. I wanted to be part of the growth and support of a family again. I wanted time or at least understanding. I wanted to be part of a partnership and progress for the ones I gave my heart to as well as their children. What I didn’t forsee was my daughters’ hearts being broken or my own family being torn apart because of allowing those wants to destroy me. I don’t say this much but…that was not my intention.
The days of “dating” are long gone. No ties and little responsibility are things from an age past. At this stage in life, it becomes more about fostering a healthy friendship that has time to grow. A dependence that is fair and mutual. Caring. Fitting together. Which means the acceptance of what someone brings with them. Everything they bring with them. And these days, that can be a precious awful lot.
Because it is not “dating” any longer. Throw that word out…unless it’s indeed all you’re doing. Now you become responsible not only for one heart in addition to your own. But all the little ones that branch off from them. That’s a lot of responsibility in the atmospheric haze of allowing yourself to care for someone. And it’s a lot of power wielded. And where there’s power, there’s inevitably the abuse of power. It is a chance we all take. But, in this case unlike most, intention is key.
When you walk away, when you leave, when it ends, there are more than two people affected. There are far more than two lives changed. I’d invite this to be recognized as absolute fact. I would invite caution before becoming part of someone’s life who has children or asking to be a part of those lives to start. Especially someone who is in the process of healing themselves and protecting their family from more hurt, however low you may place the degree of severity or importance. Because I can guarantee you, there will be part of you left behind long after you’ve chosen to exit. Long after. Use that power wisely. Otherwise, it’s just screwing around with someone you knew couldn’t handle it. If that sounds dramatic, that’s because it damn sure has the potential to be.
“Friendship” didn’t end up meaning a thing before, but I still know one thing for sure. I protect all the hearts I invest in. Not just my own. And I’m well aware of everything that comes with it. Just like always. Because there simply is no other way to have a partnership. If that’s what you want. Not these days.