Courage, Clouds and Capitulation

It’s a strange thing walking from a friendship over into something more with someone you care for. Walking across that line together. It feels beautiful. Like home. A little mind-blowing maybe. We’ll call it breathtaking, for the sake of argument. And there is always that one moment. When you both realize it. That it’s happening. Happened. And it changes the course. Of everything. It defines the whole deal.

I have never committed into a relationship with someone I hadn’t already known that way. Deeply. Someone I hadn’t already spent those hours and months confessing to. Being open with. Sharing. And laughing like crazy with. Those are the spaces that tell you who that person is. And what they are. And sometimes you cross over with them despite what’s filled those spaces. It’s an impossible distinction to make at times. But, your mind was blown, remember? Hard to operate reasonably under those conditions.

And it is genuine. But it isn’t always right. Sometimes you can fall back on that friendship for life. Sometimes you find out there never was one. I have known both. This is life, my friends!

Some things are meant to stay in our imaginations. Reigned in. Sometimes stepping forward first is admirable and pure. Courageous and loving. Sometimes it is anything but. You can’t know. But it doesn’t change the fact that I know where my heart lies in a friendship, before it’s become a damn thing else. As well as after. So I have that. I have that to know, if nothing else.

But…I do know something more. I will treasure that close company. I will enjoy those smiles and confidences. The things unsaid as well as the overstated. The sharing. The wondering. And then finding out. Having that moment that defines your whole deal. Together. I enjoy that time that is precious investing in one another. Whether it ends up a simple caring friendship, or having someone’s hands to hold through the night, I would enjoy that time either way. As a connection to hold dear.

There is no way to know. Sometimes, you just gotta wait and see how things play out. Mind your moments. And be careful not to lose your breath too soon.20170808_140135

“You’ll know after the fluffy clouds roll past.” – My Mama

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