Take a Second

When someone reaches out to you, do you know what it sounds like. Do you know what that looks like. What it feels like. What to do…do you do anything. Does it matter.

There are some who don’t speak for the sake of reaping compliments, or forming attachments by handing them out. Ego padding. Simply making their opinions known.

Some speak for commonality. Solidarity. Support. And understanding. Maybe a little hope. Maybe the relief of letting go of a burden. Maybe acknowledgment of being human. Having a voice. Finding someone like themselves. Maybe they speak in order to help others.

Taking the ‘risk’ of sharing is not required to be terrifying in order for it to be valuable. Or meaningful. Or real. But, for me you can be damn sure it’s guaranteed that risk is terrifying.

The risk you’ll be a bore. Or judged. The risk you’ll be assigned no value, good or bad. Dismissed as an outsider. The lure of the Inner Circle never quite leaves us, right. The risk you’ll be mistaken. That you’ll anger someone. Or be forgotten. Spinning.

Have things gotten so superficial between humans. Do we really not want to know each other. Or feel each other. Is it indifference. Have that many bonds been toxic. Or is that simply what we want. Because it’s easy. Tell me I’m fantastic. I’ll tell you you’re fantastic. And now we’re stuck like glue. Fragile and cheap, at best.

We have all had moments when we wanted to mass shout Help me! Anyone…just help me. See me. Somebody. Maybe we did, and no one heard. Maybe you were seen, and no one said a word. Maybe you saw it happening to someone else, and said nothing.

We just watch each other fucking struggle?….and figuratively keep scrolling. But that’s the condition.

Reach. Out. Listen.

Exchange comes cheap these days. But connection does not.

Communication is not a throwaway. When someone speaks to you, they’re giving you space in their life. For a reason. For that moment. It may be for friendship. For knowledge or support. Caring. Unity. Pain and fear. Or just a healing laugh. Either to give or receive. And it matters. All of it matters.

Sam

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20 thoughts on “Take a Second

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  1. It’s all about acceptance, so what if someone is different to us, to me that add interest. I believe we should be true to our spirit and say what we feel in a polite non threatening way. Everyone deserves to be heard. Can someone help me down from my soap box now πŸ˜‰

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    1. All true. There are a lot of us hurting in awful ways. Every day. And doing it quietly. Kindness is not the moon and earth. Just listening with intention sometimes. It’s precious.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I do the same! And 7 times out of 10 I’m treated like a monster in return but it doesn’t make me less kind. πŸ˜” It’s no wonder though that so many people feel like misfits, quieted or have a *why bother* air to them. Just have to keep trying I guess!

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  2. Thank you for expressing this so well. As an addition I might also say that it is a two way street, give and take. I meet a lot of people who want to share their β€œstuff”but aren’t so happy to become the listener. I miss the days of my youth with my good friends where we had all night talkouts, laughing, crying, getting it all out. People just think I am weird now, especially those younger than me. I am like the parental figure who is supposed to be there for them but have no problems of my own. πŸ˜”

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    1. Absolutely! That’s why I’m always certain to add “give and take” to such posts because, what are we to always take time from someone and give no interest otherwise?!

      …I’m starting to think everyone thinks I’m weird too, lol. I think anyone with a tendency to feel like an outcast can have that brought back to them easily. Unfortunately I do. I need people dearly and thrive on exchange of ideas, thoughts and connection. But indeed…Im dad before everything else. Have to just *handle* it all πŸ˜”

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  3. One of your best posts, IMO. Apathy seems to be an epidemic these days.
    “The lure of the Inner Circle” – does that ever go away for some people?
    “Exchange is cheap, connection is not” LOVE that. Profound words in an I’ll-give-you-a-like-on-your-photo-but-dont-expect-me-to-be-your-friend-in-real-life kinda atmosphere.
    But also a wake up call to be thankful for the part of me that desires close and intimate relationships, meaningful exchanges with people (I had one with my tire guy yesterday!) Because, I admit, sometimes I envy those who can be so detatched. It must be a hell of a lot easier to sleep to be that way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! 😊😊😊

      It’s almost *extremely* satisfying that this is the least ‘Liked’ thing I’ve ever posted, for reasons I’m sure you can imagine. I’m enjoying it.

      Often it all just feels like mean kids still on the playground. Cliques and Lion’s dens, preaching, bashing. No…there are real people who need each other. People worth knowing who can care for you. Real feelings and good intention..Those things aren’t considered. “You’re just too sensitive”…Nah, I actually just believe we should respect each other and that there is a kind way to say everything…everything.

      See? The tire guy! Ya never know! I had a moment with a grama at my daughters baton class yesterday. It was the first time she was there and needed lots of help figuring it out. She ended up telling what I think was a story about her family’s farm when she was growing up in the area. Which doesn’t scare me and I’m glad I didn’t avoid!

      You know…I nearly included something about wishing for oblivion in some cases. The only reason I didn’t is because, sadly…I’ve said it before. Would be a lot easier, yeah.

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      1. I firmly believe we all have fascinating stories to tell, if we would just take the time to really listen to one another. What was so beautiful about the tire guy was him telling me about his adopted grandkids. He’s an old southern conservative. His son and his wife adopted a black baby at birth. You could see the emotion in his eyes as he reflected on his love for that child, no doubt thinking that maybe some of his past attitudes had been wrong. I was almost in tears.
        The cliques, ugh. Been fighting them all my life. Still fighting them. Watching my daughter fight them in this hell known as Junior High. And I can’t tell her it will get better. Because it doesn’t. And I feel kinda guilty for not making sure she knows that because I think she believes when she finally grows up and moves away from the small town south (which she is adamant about) that it will be SO different. And some things will, but some things never are.
        Yeah, it would be easier. I think about that a lot. But I also don’t want to be a shell of a person, or not authentically myself. Maybe the world needs our hypersensitivity, if for no other reason but so it doesn’t completely lose its humanity. Sometimes it feels like it’s damn close to doing just that.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Aw, how sweet 😭 And see, he maybe really needed to tell you that story. You just never know whats going on in someones life. 😊😊😊

          Its so difficult to know the social struggles won’t fade…but i have to put a good face on it and teach them to weather it better than the next guy (me). At least 75% of any situation is all in your reaction….I have been testing it plenty this year. You’re right, it doesn’t get any less exhausting.

          And nope…I absolutely wouldn’t trade one bit of what I am if it means having missed anything Ive learned along the way. Good and bad.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Sam, I have tears in my eyes after reading your post. So poignant and true. I love the connections we make by blogging and when someone takes the time to reach out to write, it makes us feel good. Like we have friends who care, even though we don’t know each other in real life, just in blogging. Oh did I just say real life? What else would I call it? Reality? Face to face? In person? Anyway, sorry to get off the subject.
    I think technology has skewed relationships which makes me sad. We need to take more time to be kind to one another, to take a few extra moments and be sweet. We never know what’s going on in someone else’s life. We don’t get to take anything with us when we go except the memories that others hold of us that we leave as our legacy.
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think technology has changed the culture of caring for sure. It was easy enough to turn away from people before that. And of course the fact that caring relationships are often abused no matter the realm. It’s difficult. But there is risk in everything. Seems worth it more than not, to me. And thank you so much 😊 Your comments always warm my little heart!

      Liked by 1 person

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