Everyone has heard about or read these books by Gary Chapman, seen the lists…either way. You’ve got some concept of meeting your loved ones where they are. I hope.
Being consumed in a relationship may make you feel these Languages are more applicable to the two of you. But, as a parent, it’s more important than you know that you learn to understand where to meet your child in their need to feel loved.
Personally, I’m a Time & Touch. I’ve joked about being comparable to a Baby Piglet when it comes down to it. But, we’re all different. Different in what we need, and what makes us feel special and loved. What puts us at ease as far as being valued. We’re only one person. So it becomes a little more difficult when it’s your job to decode your children’s needs in this matter. Especially when there are more than one of them, and they are as different as Night and Day. And you’re still only one person!
•Acts of Service
Any of these strike a cord with what you know about your child? What they’ve shown you? Maybe they’ve asked outright…maybe you missed it.
I shocked myself reading 5 Love Languages of Children and realizing how wrong I’d had it. Did I have any idea at all? I think so, but only on the surface. I’ll tell you this much…
…I have a 15 year old who has clearly shown a leaning towards Quality Time. Now, I’m old, and I lecture her…a lot…but she’d much rather go to dinner, just her and I, than have me hugged up on her or do her laundry for her. And she has always been that way. I always knew it. But I didn’t know it. Asking her to take a walk with me or a long drive buys me far more understanding of her and for a much longer time than telling her how great I think she is (She is!). Her second Language is definitely Gifts. Not because she asks. Not because it’s material. But she literally turns to goo when I get her something she wasn’t expecting. She’s gracious…and embarrassed and….Loved Up.
…My first grader. The one who often says her ‘love cup is overflowing today’. That one. She’s all about cuddles and hugs. Kissing hands, petting and snuggles. Whenever and wherever. When we have those times, she will just look at me (in my teary eyeballs) and say nothing. When I do have to discipline her, she is heartbroken, hiding in tears until I can convince her how much I love her and that I always do no matter what. Her second Language is Words of Encouragement. She loves to be told her artwork is aMAzing, how proud I am of her, or how helpful she is to me when she’s independent throughout the day. Child number two sufficiently Loved Up.
Different as night and day.
Listen and Watch.