Out of These Acts of Chaos Comes Order

I enjoy looking at all these things that have changed. In me. It’s not always pretty, the passage of time. But, it’s time nonetheless. We are never given enough of it. There is a lot to be said for living in your Now. But it’s also a giant heap of bullshit that you should never look back, or forward.

I don’t believe these lives to be adventures. I don’t believe them to be games or dances. Or any other silly suggestions. Certainly, we are only on a journey through. Traveling along to pinpoints on the map….but that’s not what this is, destinations and end games. Payoffs, rewards, successes. Heartbreak, grief and failure. Parenting. Needing. Providing. Wanting. All the parts of us. And where we actually become our own set of experiences. Which may be it’s own end game.

There are places that we go to retreat into what feels good. When it’s needed. We feel good. We give. We listen. All this talk of savage beasts and soothing…it’s only by heart. Ones that can touch or be touched. To either scar or heal. It’s all necessary. But, what do we do with the experience.

The distinction to me, is collecting these bits. Weathering storms. Learning. Finding inspiration. Creating and Loving. Just because you got on the plane doesn’t mean you took a journey. What did you see? What did you collect? What did you learn?

What did you experience?

I’ve said before and have grown comfortable with the fact that I’m no earthshaker. I’m content. I know my strengths, purpose, value and comforts. Perhaps nothing is normal. But we make it normal. That is a pinpoint on the map. That Now.

We tend to let these things speak for us. The good gives us confidence. Happiness. Positivity. The bad makes us hesitant. Scared. Mean. Negative. That’s where our words come from. That’s what precedes us. The Good. The Bad. Whatever it is. That’s where we’re coming from. That Past.

Our world, through our own eyes, tends to take on the form of the situations and people who have hurt us the most. It’s much harder to see the world in a frame of the things and people who have made us better. But time reinforces. I have faith in time. For all things. That Future.

This is my every day. Where I’ve settled. A constant processor. Of all that is said and done. Or seen. All that’s required and necessary. All that’s out of need or indulgent want. All that’s hurtful and all that brings me happiness. Everything. I sift through every bit of who I am every day. And everything there by cross contact…

…Friendships. Romances. Meeting of the Minds. Attachments. A new hope and a new place is a light. New room for heart and connection. Right now. We all meet on the map. We start new. Every time. Every day.

That’s the Now made of all things Past and Future. That is the experience.

Sam

Where do we find ourselves…

Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus.

“Experience”Ralph Waldo Emerson

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23 thoughts on “Out of These Acts of Chaos Comes Order

  1. Very well said. It shows great growth and understanding, the kind only born of experience. It’s why we came here after all. 😏

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    1. Thank you so much. 😊 It is absolutely our purpose to experience everything our own way and GROW from it!

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  2. great post! though, you leave an impression on people you interact, whether you believe it or not….

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    1. Thank you 😊 Exactly! Everything and every person leaves something with you. What matters is what you do with it and how you process it.

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      1. That’s actually totally true. I never really thought about it in those terms. Good.

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  3. A beautiful, eloquent post! I was a bobblehead while reading it, nodding in agreement 💐

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    1. Aw thank you so much! 🙄 I need to keep all this in mind especially in accepting my past being part of me, but not defining me!

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  4. Your posts are always so thought-provoking Sam. I like how you said that perhaps nothing is normal, but we make it normal. I find that a lot of us spend time trying to “be normal” but that’s almost an impossible standard to put on ourselves. All we can do is be true to our own self and go from there. Life is hard, trying to love (and like) ourselves is hard. And trying to navigate everyone else while they do the same is, again, hard. I don’t think I’m an “earthshaker” either, but the experience of being who I am, where I am in life right now, is pretty awesome sometimes.

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    1. Thank you. It is pretty awesome, right!?? 🙌Just getting to that comfortable “me” place is fantastic! I’ve finally taken the time to understand exactly what that means to me and those around me, that it’s important and valuable. Even when it’s not shakin’ the earth!!

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      1. That comfortable “me” place is pretty fantastic! I still struggle with it some days but it is a great place to be. I’m glad you’ve figured it out! It took me a long time to find it. Some people never do.

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        1. I haven’t totally, or reliably for that matter, but I have those moments of clarity where I’m content with ALL of it which is a pretty nice change for me!

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            1. Haha!! *blugs* right back!

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  5. For me there are days it is quite hard to ‘be present’…

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    1. *Being present* is a whole different ballgame! I don’t catch myself talking about that much because as the charming combo of add/ocd, it’s something I will be forever working on. Doesn’t allow me much wiggle room to ‘be present’ 24/7. BUT! The good news is that even people who struggle being present or *on* all the time, we can still do the best we can at being in our Now while accepting all these parts, past and even future, as who we are. With all that going on, it’s almost an impossibility to ‘be present’!

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      1. It is certainly a good practice, especially at my age as life whizzes by….

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  6. “The distinction to me, is collecting these bits. Weathering storms. Learning. Finding inspiration. Creating and Loving. Just because you got on the plane doesn’t mean you took a journey. What did you see? What did you collect? What did you learn?”
    I loved this post. Beautiful work and so much truth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! 😗 All of this felt pretty good to me 🙄

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Awesome post Sam. So much truth in it that I found myself agreeing with you the whole time and yet also thinking, ‘oh yes, he’s right. I never thought of it that way, but it makes complete sense’ and that’s why I loved it so much.

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