Behind the Rail

Once again, where do we find ourselves. When we are not just existing, but soaking up any and every experiential truth that’s offered to us. That is where we are. Then. It’s obvious. Right then, it’s concrete. With a strong foothold in all the beauty and laughter. Connection and influence. Love and curiosity. Taking what’s in front of us, to hold and keep.

But, those other times. Most of the time. When we’re falling back down. And sinking. Existing that other way. Begging, and reaching forward. Pulling back. All with no takeaways. Hollering out for, and scrambling between doorways for incentives to feel something. Something quick even. Small. That would do. And it is just as real as the eventual recognition that it is not. That something.

This is the breach and these are the hollows where you hear your voice fade out. And end. Until you can cry again. Until it’s in you again. Until you’re ready to reach at a chance to come back emptyhanded again. Until you have time. It all goes on hold. You put it in the, now very narrow, space behind you. And let it sit.

Life is going on, though. There, in front of you. How about that. Seems slow enough, but still, it’s constant. Reliable and predictable. Moving at a pace you used to understand. You’re usually on that ride. Not a Watcher. Not just someone waiting. Not someone too afraid for it. Surely, you’ve been tall enough for years. So what happened…

…Then the dust starts to settle down around your feet. You watch it, and then you remember. This has happened before.

This is where you wait. Before you head back again to those hollows, this is where you wait. Before you can ever get back on that ride. One day. This is just where you wait while you cry. Until that narrow space behind you widens, pushing you forward in line. This is where you wait.

Sam

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17 thoughts on “Behind the Rail

  1. Just lovely. You have my constant admiration and all our support 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😶 Thank you. I understand. I appreciate you being there. 😶

      Liked by 1 person

  2. (Matthew 11:28) Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
    Scripture is always my go to, when every day chatter is not enough.. Even when it seem like it is. It doesn’t matter where we are in life, where we stand… Those words are for all of us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. Thank you for this so very much 😏

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      1. You’re always welcome! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It feels very much like we spend more time behind the rail than on the ride.
    *sigh
    It’s hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very. I found myself saying ‘most of the time’, then thinking, no that’s not exactly right. Then realizing yes…it absolutely is 🙁

      Like

  4. Waiting until you’re at the front of the line where all you can feel is the warm sun on your face and all that you’ve overcome is left in the spaces behind you. Strength was built in those spaces and happiness is what lies ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. I know in my heart this is truth. The waiting game is just too heavy at times.

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  5. So well written, nicely done my friend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lovely piece, Sam. It’s so hard when life goes on, leaving you in the wake of things that have been, but also what is still to come. The front of the line will reappear, and when it does, it will be beautiful 😉 Thinking of you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Im so glad you understand. Thank you so much 😊😊😊

      Like

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