Something Rotty

I’ve been trying to see a Quiet Place since it came out. I figure it’s something I should see, and that the work will be less for me than with most films. I don’t get a whole lot of chances to go to the show with friends and I’ve always been a little shy to go alone. I don’t know…I’m just not that guy. Actually I probably am. Which is why I don’t do it. We did get a private showing of Black Panther when I was in New York not too long ago. But, before that…I can’t even remember the last non-short person movie I saw at the theater. Probably something in the Iron Man category. Or the last Human Sharkbait type film. (I just Googled “recent movies about killer shark”…it was Shark Night 3D. And it was 2011) In summation, I just don’t go often unless it’s PG and below. Now, ask me about any of those and it’s sure to be in my ticket collection.

My brother and I were practically raised at the theater but as time went on it got progressively more irritating, overstimulating, and, frankly, laborious. If anyone looks away, I’m sunk. Out of frame? Nope. Narration. Forget it. So help me if anyone has an accent to worry about. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. In all senses of those words. Not when I could wait three months to stream it with perfectly portioned off captions at home. That’s usually the Go-To. Which, consequently, has turned my daughter into a phenomenal reader. I found out during Planet Earth II the other night, that she’s actually started to prefer the captions in her old age.

I’ve been dying for movie popcorn ever since our last of six meetings with The Greatest Showman (which, now that I think about it, was followed by Peter Rabbit and Sherlock Gnomes) and our favorite theater has precisely zero kids films right now other than the strange Star Wars offshoot which I’m not that curious about. So we went to our alternate. Why? Show Dogs. Yes, I spent money on that. To be clear, I have been watching these movies since they used to make the dogs bark or chew treats and then just dub in a voice. Then we advanced to animated mouths. Then to entirely CGI animals which seem real enough, buuuuut…talking animals just really aren’t in my Love Wheelhouse outside of cartoons. But the 6 year old is all about it. So we go. I get my popcorn. Yada, yada, yada? We were literally the only people there so she could run around and dance, the story was exciting by most garden variety talking animal movie standards, and it ended up being pretty fun cause we could yell and talk without being shunned and yes that is my gauge of a successful trip to the movies.

While I was sitting staring into the faces of Rottweilers and Papillons (and Will Arnett for that matter), I realized once again why I hate talking animal movies. There is no conceivable way for me to read them. None. Now, is it critical that I’ve missed anything? No…but I paid so I may as well know what the hell is happening. For those of you who have never seen one, this is a CaptiView. Without which I may never have grasped the true meat of Ludacris’ gutwrenching portrayal of Max the police dog turned show dog…in a film described on many sites as “cringe worthy”.

Sam

Yes, her feet are dirty…it’s the weekend
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29 thoughts on “Something Rotty

  1. The last movie I saw was Sweeney Todd…for much the same reasons. I’m annoying always asking “what did they say”, plus with my fibromyalgia, I have to be mostly horizontal a great deal. Sitting up in a multiplex chair is too painful. An empty theater and a caption device sounds like a perfect movie experience to me!!
    And who cares about dirty feet. Shoes are evil and only to be worn in extreme weather and ouchy terrain👍😆💌💌

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    1. Oh man, that was longer ago than me! The seats at this particular theater are way tiny and uncomfortable! I much prefer the new one with electric recliners and couches for God’s sake. The older theaters make me wonder how I ever sat in the seats without back spasms.

      Shoes are evil, lol. I only recently coaxed her back into socks after going through a VERY snowy winter in her weird rubber water shoes *without* socks. I have to pick my battles!

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  2. That’s hotel Transylvania! 😀😀 Hehe it was nice one. I don’t watch much movies.. 🙂 last was avengers i guess lol 😄

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    1. Yeah its coming out next month and we’re both super excited lol!

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      1. That’s amazing! ✨ Haha have fun 😉

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  3. I’m with the “cringe worthy” population of movie reviewers BUT I’m glad you and the little had fun (I also refused Peter Rabbit for its insensitive and irresponsible use of food allergies in a joking/bullying fashion). I’m sure having the movie theatre to yourselves was a nice treat.

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    1. Peter Rabbit was funny (the pig in particular had me in stitches. “Oh, no it’s lip BALM. I can see where you’d get it confused with chapstick. But it’s lip BALM!”…or whatever he said) but there was too much -bunnies reading lips from afar and inferring-….like 40% of the movie was that. Zzzzz

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      1. I can’t ever watch but I’ll trust that it was funny. As a mom of a food allergy kid I can’t give them any money. Weird how I’ll stand up for my children much more than I’ll stand up for myself. So, I want to punch the new age Peter Rabbit in his bunny face. The old guy, from the books, were still ok 😉.

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        1. You arent missing much…I mean the piggy wasn’t *that* funny! 😉

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  4. I wondered how you handled movies in theaters. I imagine that can be incredibly frustrating.

    I am all about going to the movies by my lonesome. In fact, I often prefer it. Haven’t done it yet this year, but it’s on my agenda!

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    1. I think if it were during the day when it was *super* empty I might? But unless I quit my job to free up time in my Hermetic Movie Watchers Day Planner, I’ll have to stick to kid movies. CRY! 😭😭😭

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      1. Awww. One day she’ll graduate to better stuff!

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        1. I think I’m used to it, cause they’ve all been good so far. Except Secret Life of Pets (hated). Other than that I veto movies ahead of time if need be, or farm them out to other adult humans. Luckily now I can force Baby #1 to take Baby #2. For this summer, I will be off duty for Incredibles and Teen Titans. I’m not much for “totally in your face” anything.

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          1. Boo! I loved Secret Life of Pets! And the Incredibles! #pixarislife

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            1. Everything *inside* the apartment building is good in ‘Pets’! lol. I dont know…i feel like my daughter was four when we saw it and, it didnt go well. Im not even a kids movie prude. Long list on that one though. Sigh.

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            2. Oh okay. Yeah, but Kevin Hart as the bunny was pretty awesome. Gangsta bunny….who secretly just wants love. 😍

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            3. But….*holds finger up* but! You can’t deny waiting until the literal *last* ten seconds of the film was a letdown on that one!

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            4. I’ll give you that. But I did love his little character. He was funny. Especially mourning his homie and the pig with all the tats? AwesomeA

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            5. …you said, “oh okay” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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            6. Because anything seen with 4 year olds is almost always NOT enjoyable for a parent. At least, it was for me! A bunch of small children surrounding me in a congested environment? ….nah

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            7. Too much screaming and explosions for her I think…lots of screaming. Scary vipers, animals violently beating and berating each other…and sweet looking animals talking about killing their owners! She was in tears on the floor begging to go home, lol! She was just sensitive to it I guess since she’s got a soft spot for ‘animules. Maybe The Secret Life Of…I don’t know, infectious leeches would have been easier to bear.

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            8. Yeah – I think it was most definitely an older kids movie. But you never know how or why kids will react to things and it certainly looked innocent enough. I just loved the headbanging poodle.

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            9. I liked Pops 😂😂😂 He was my fave!

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  5. I can’t remember the last movie I saw in a theater – oh wait, I do! It’s My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. LOL I don’t really go to the movies. I prefer to rent at home via tv or DVR. I get movie butter popcorn, pop it in the microwave and cozy in my jammies, I watch! I hadn’t thought about the difficulty for you with talking animals. I’m glad you have the Captiview…

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    1. That really is the best way! Plus if I take two kids to the show its sixty bucks!

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      1. I know! It’s outrageously pricey to go to the movies these days!

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        1. Slushies, candy and popcorn all around! Gotta take out a loan, lolol!

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          1. But well worth the effort, right?

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