As August Bleeds Into Fall

Here we are again, scooting quietly into yet another schoolyear. It hardly seems a year since I started this countdown last. But the very same. Only these things are no longer new. No longer unknown. They are now very familiar. And, as I’ve said, part of me.

September marks my New Year. It’s when chances begin again for most things. The clock restarts. Hope is renewed in things that once went wrong. Another attempt to be better. Trying again, resolutions begin, not in January, but here. For me. Further filling out towards that self actualization we’re told doesn’t actually exist.

…But, I disagree. Though I do recognize the validity in wondering if we are ever truly whole. Actualized.

September 4th is not a day I hold dear. Last year it broke me. Quietly. And the year before that, my family’s life changed in the blink of an eye. I stayed quiet. It is not a good time for me. But one in which I still hold out hope for that renewal. Again and again. It is a strange lingering darkness. That allows me enough, somehow, to still hear whispers to Keep going. That Everything is beginning again. And I do believe it.

Between the last, and this upcoming day of excitement, fear and a new start, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve taught myself my own boundaries, which I have not always known. I’ve come to see that grace and patience for the healing of those close to me has taught me to be more tolerant of my own need for those same things. And that there is no shame in those needs. As well as dignity in standing strong for another. Even quietly.

I am not a “natural born world shaker”. There are challenges I’m prepared for in these next days, and many I am not. But as quietly as I choose to do everything else, I’ll head in self assured of my own abilities in what I do, and still scared as fuck of being pushed aside or silenced.

The day will come. And the day will pass. I will breathe. And I will be the same person when the next morning comes. Just better. Braver.


14 thoughts on “As August Bleeds Into Fall

  1. You are right…You got this and will every day from now own.

  2. Breathe in calm – breathe out tension
    Breathe in…
    Breathe out….
    Yep – you got it πŸ™‚

    1. Yes! Vacation in all it’s stress filled glory actually helped. I have a week to recover before school!

  3. You’ve got this. πŸ’Ÿ

  4. One foot in front of the other.

    1. 😊😊😊 I have always loved the tried and true nature of this. In our best, and worst, that *is* the best we can do. And always manage to be able.

  5. I love September and the newness of a school year. I’m having a tough time as an empty nester for the first time in my life. Home alone when I’ve never actually been alone, and even though my kids are not too far away at university, I never imagined I’d be a single parent empty nester. It’s not what I envisioned. I’m working on embracing the inevitable change.

    1. You know, these chapters of change and new realities have such potential for awakening. And it just *doesn’t* feel that way at the start!! Ever! 😣😣😣 But it is exactly as you said…looking for ways to embrace it while you find your footing. Even when we can’t make the best of it every waking moment, there’s always much to be learned!

      1. I agree Sam! πŸ™‚ May the changes be kind as they evolve for us all! πŸ™‚

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close