Dad, You is My Woman Now

When you first make the decision to cohabitate with someone, there is a learning curve of great proportions as the Honeymoon Period draws to a close. It is steep, as you then battle for sides of the bed and general personal space. You begin trespassing on one anothers favorite food like hungry, inconsiderate raccoons. Early risers irritating the Sleeper Inners. Messy habits infuriating the OCD of the Neatniks. Being beholden, on the low, to the true owner of the space. And privacy becomes a What?!?

But…Wuvv, right.

And you do it for the sake of the relationship. You do it in the name of respect. To keep this companion close (and supposedly happy), you pick your battles and you learn to bend (repeatedly). You make the necessary alterations and eventually learn to accept these quirks as ‘delightful!’ and even endearing (lies. All lies).

One of the last In-Home, Still-Married, At Our Limit, Last-Resort contentions my wife and I had was about coffee. Specifically, coffee grounds. More specifically, accidental coffee grounds in the silverware drawer. Even more specific, you say? To which I say…Did I do that?!

I, myself, was never an accuser of these types of things. For the sake of being a peaceful partner and to keep things neat for the kids, I would walk behind, quietly clean messes and hang clothes. I heartily subscribe to the theory of wanting things done right, and doing them thusly. Now. Not “later” (eyeroll). But…times have changed. Boy Howdy, have they.

So, what, when your “new roomie” has messy hobbies like, oh, let’s just use fly fishing as an example. More accurately, making, airbushing and tying flies *for* fly fishing. Or clutter creating hobbies like woodburning, rock polishing, wood carving and metal detecting. Hypothetically speaking, of course. How on earth does a minimally (majorly) particular person deal with these many scraps and pieces and tools in their space. In ALL their spaces. Covering. Every. Space!

Well…Wuvv. You bend. And you do it for the sake of the partnership.

Times, they’ve changed. I don’t drink coffee much anymore because I can no longer drink the supercharged jet fuel that my father keeps on tap. The kind I did when I was married. But…I DO still wash the dishes. A lot of dishes. A lot of cups….A *LOT* of coffee mugs. His coffee mugs. So, this past weekend, something happened. And now I’m married to my dad…..😩

We go together like Gershwin and Urkel…Big Joe and I.

Sam

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42 thoughts on “Dad, You is My Woman Now

  1. LOVE the sign! That cracked me up. I am usually the one making the messes in this scenario and is the main reason why I now have a LARGE craft space that is in an area nobody wants to spend any time in other than the cats and me. Hubby (and to some extent my kids) is the neat freak and I’m the one that has organized chaos, but he still has his “stuff” here and there. Thankfully, we are lucky enough to balance each other out most of the time, but there are times, usually when one of us is tired and cranky, where the other person’s “stuff” can become a sticking point. And those times are just not all that fun.

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    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ When I put it up my daughter looked at it and said “…I don’t like it”, loolllll. I knoow! Between he and I we have roughly 6,000 pastimes only I’m *very* organized with mine because I like my house tidy! He makes messes under the ruse of “teaching” my daughter how to do these things…and then they walk away! 😭😭😭 I remind them both that he would have beat my ass to next week if I ever messed up my moms house the way he does mine, lmao! At least you have a room! I’ve lost my home office and garage to him and have resorted to ‘couch crafting’ and painting on the carpet with my kid! Stop the madness πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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      1. I may make a mess when I work, but it is an organized mess. I think I’d go nuts if I had to work in an area where someone could come in and move my stuff around. The few times I’ve had to do that (a few sewing projects that required the use of the kitchen table), I did my best to get done what I could while everyone was at work or school.

        Kudos to you that you’ve managed to just stick with the sign! I think there would be blood involved if it were me.

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        1. We will get to that eventually I’m sure 😨☠😠 That’s all I want! ONE AREA where no one touches my stuff lol!

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          1. I’m sure under the bed isn’t big enough. LOL!

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            1. 😩 Someone would find it. If not with two feet, surely four! 🐢🐢

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  2. At least your sense of humor is well in tact. This post cracked me UPPPPP

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    1. Lolollllllll! I keep laughing at this! I’m clearing the sink after work and that will be the true test, cause I gotta tell you, as of this morning I have no proof my sign is working! 😭😭😭

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      1. Hahaha! Well, he was warned, so if you end up on the news tonight, it’s not like you didn’t give him a chance!

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        1. He saw the picture I drew and he said “that’s a call out.” Get back in your crate, old man! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  3. Glasses. Every single time someone wants a drink of water they get a new glass.

    We own 7million587thousand642 glasses and there are only 4 of us.

    πŸ™ƒ

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    1. Looooolololllll. That is 2 more whole cups than I own, all of which I’m fu@king washing tonight! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I’m going to hide them all and leave only the tiny teethbrushing Dixies!

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    2. Hahahaha- same at my house!!

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  4. The dishes are a HUGE!!!! deal in our house of me, my two adult(cough cough) daughters and the younger’s partner. I hate, hate HATE a messy kitchen! We’ve decided that everyone shall wash whatever they use immediately after using it.
    How’s that working, you ask….sigh…dirty dishes in the sink.
    Can I run away from home at 50???πŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ

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    1. I HATE a messy kitchen, too! 😭 My rule of thumb is to at least get it cleaned every Sunday night so we can start the week fresh! (In summer that’s out the window) My kid says “I washed a bowl right after I used it!” And of course my insides want to scream “great now you put a bowl away not clean and where is it and the worlds gonna collapse” 🀣🀣🀣 Instead I say “….I don’t *necessarily* want you to wash stuff…just reuse your drink cups”. Oy!

      So, I myself have bargained down from people washing their own crap, down to cups….just give me cups! Lololl.

      And yes, you run away and I’ll build that treehouse I’ve always wanted. But then….SPIDERS! πŸ•· Smh…no way out I guess! 🀣

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      1. I’ll be the official spider remover. They don’t bother me.😜 I’ve always wanted a treehouse too. We were forever building “forts” as kiddos. Horrible, splintery, trashy, falling over fortsπŸ˜‚ they were OURS though.

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        1. Lolling @ “trashy” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ As boys we had many a crappy fort in the woods!! Kinda like now when I go camping although I take real food now and don’t pretend bark is a sandwich πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ (not usually anyway!)

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  5. Hilarious. And a bit sobering as well, reflecting on how hard it is to actually live together, despite all our privileged Western space- how did people manage in tribal times I wonder?

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    1. I think they must have had fewer cluttering hobbies!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I think my main problem is the trash bits and clippings and packaging that just gets left around from all of it. I love getting rid of things and he and I just don’t see eye to eye on that! The dogs, though, are enjoying finding weird things to eat where there did not used to be weird things!

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  6. Haha! I know the scenario, only I’m the messy one in our house. Other half tidies and in fact rarely sets foot in my room (we have a room each to ourselves for doing things in, my art, his music, etc. The rest of the house we share.) Lately I’ve gone back to drinking coffee (he lives on it) and have begun to notice that the coffee grounds that used to make me growl (yeah, it’s not just you!) that he’d drop… I’m now dropping too. I blame mine on age. And being messy!

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    1. What a dream!🌟 😁 You’re own hideaway!

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    2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ At least you have a room! It’s been a battle for a few years for me to declare my own space like…No Looky, No touchy. I actually reclaimed my own office last year but then lost it to this person who says he’s my father πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ And all my other areas tend to turn into Kiddieland! I’m going to keep at my quest!!

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  7. My Mom is medical field OCD, and I just like things, *specifically. We don’t live together, but I spend a lot of weekends +, with her. Imagine those 48+ hours.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜·πŸ˜‘πŸ˜­πŸ˜±β€β€πŸš©πŸš«πŸš±πŸš―πŸ‘©πŸ‘΅This post was was funny. Thank you for sharing it.

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    1. Lol @ reading through those emojis and deciphering πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I know, it’s hard enough to visit someone let alone LIVE (as in actually stay alive when someone moves in!) I make my own OCD sound rank but it’s actually rooted in common sense and just a *little* bit of respect for the space!…aaaand that I also like things the way I like ’em!

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      1. Those emojis are in exact order tooπŸ˜‚. I know the living part too. Good Lord! 😱😀There can’t be two queens in one Kingdom that’s for sure. But, if the time ever came where Mama needed shared space, we’d deal with it❀ and work it out. Anything can be worked with and through with some patience and consideration…and respect, a ton of love. My biggest thing is the dish drain. I don’t like my cups and mugs touching the dish drain, because of the standing water that collects in that tray from the dishes. So I don’t turn my bowls and cups upside down. I don’t like to put my silverware in the silverware part of the drain…again standing water….so I put them in a cup to drain. My Mom can’t stand that πŸ˜‚. Once I rewashed every dish because my silverware touched the standing water. And I know that part gets cleaned but…the idea. Lol.

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        1. We’ll have to discuss what the “no water” one means πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ˜• Sounds like a *sideeye@* one of you! My mother in law used to wash dishes when she visited and she’d soak the silverware in a bucket or mixing bowl and panic if we didn’t have either handy. No scrubbing. No nothing. Then she’d gather them loudly in a bundle with both hands and run them under water and *GASP* set them aside as CLEAN! I once watched in horror and thought -please tell me theres a next step please tell me theres a next step-. Also…when Jason helped me do my sink it came with a drain cup that never let the water through so the old man dumps coffee in there, the water fills up and now all my moms fuckin Corelle is stained with God damn coffee. The drain i used and LOVED from my old sink had a rotted washer around it but I got a new one for this sink. Its the OXO rubber and silver drain cup at target. They make one with and without a stopper. I personally go without because I DON’T WANT WATER IN MY SINK PERIOD.

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          1. …and i just realized what no water means.

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          2. Not at me! I waste water.πŸ˜‚ Yes, I am admitting this. Can you imagine making eggs, dealing with other raw things, and using those same hands to turn the water knobs? Contamination. So, the water runs when I’m cooking. I know it’s wasteful, but so is salmonella. That silverware story, took me through stages of cringe. No scrubbing! Just soaking! Grrrrrrrrrrrross. I can see how that looked in my head….STEP 1: Take a bucket or mixing bowl and fill it to the brim with water. STEP 2: Gather the silverware and carefully place it in the water…be aware that any large food particles left behind in the forks, will loosen in the water……😲 I’m laughing at how you witnessed this….and how nothing else probably mattered at that moment but what your eyes beheld 😁. My mother inlaw would use the same sponge for MONTHS. Once my ex and I moved away for a year, and when we came back, she was using the same sponge. And, she would leave meats out overnight, and let them thaw in the sink…..hours would pass after thawing, and the meat would still be sitting out. They had leather stomachs. The drain cup, coffee and stained Corelle😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 I had to take a deep breath after reading that. lol😁 Anything surrounding the kitchen sink, makes me a little OCD, and I don’t even claim it for myself. Standing water, food particle water, splashed water all over the sink area and incidentally placing my hand in water on the counter….. horrifying and irritating.

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            1. Exactly…basically the silverware marinated in its own waste over night then ran under the sprinkler to ‘get clean’.

              I waste lots of water *and* i leave the fridge open while im doing other stuff….even taking veggies down to snowball…fridge is open. Cloroxing the floor by the trash can after throwing old strawberries out…fridge open. La de da.

              Oh, and Scrub Daddy has new products btw. All sorts of sponges and cleaning stuff. They are incrementally cuter thus superior to all other sponges.

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  8. This gave me the laugh I so needed this morning… I may have had this same sort of conversation about water glasses with an 18 year old yesterday. Because seriously, how many *different* glasses of water does one girl need in a day?

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    1. Right!! It’s like, doesn’t that same cup do the exact job of the two or three others you used!? My one thing is if it’s a milk cup put it in the sink. But these are WATER glasses! And it is *not* hard to rinse a coffee mug and, oh I don’t know, not let it sit half full for a day and use three others instead πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  9. Brilliant post!!πŸ‘Œ This made me chuckle so much as I related to both sides of the coin!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚ Although admittedly I have know exactly where everything is in my organised chaos!!!

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    1. Lolol, I suppose I relate to both sides, too! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ My answer is always ‘yes but when *I* make a mess, *I’M* the one that cleans it up!!’

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  10. I’m thinking workbench, garage, with caution tape? It’s a thought. Not to be the world’s biggest debi downer, but someday you’re home will be free of all the mess and you will miss it. I remember an episode of Roseanne, you know decades ago when it was just a humorous sitcom we all enjoyed. Dan built her a writing desk in the basement. It was a small thing but to her it was everything. Find a spot, tape it off, make it your own. You got this! πŸ™‚

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    1. I’m laughing because you’re right about that episode of Roseanne, and that, if I’m remembering right, she eventually ended up not using it because it made her too far away from the family! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I’ve put my desk and our art area in so many places over the years and they usually don’t get used because we all just gravitate back together and those are the places that get messy. So, you’re right, too, that one day things will be quiet and no one will be around…and then I’ll just go live in the woods and look for new things to complain about πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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      1. πŸ˜‚ Cue Walter (Jeff Dunham’s puppet)😁 Didn’t mean to come off as bossy, sometimes the mom in me takes over typing 😁

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        1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Not at all! You’re 100% right! I just need to think of those future scenarios while I’m pulling my hair out now, lol!

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  11. I’m sorry but I’m giggling with your post. You’re such a good guy Sam. I love how you write with such reality and kindness and truth. Your dad and your girls are really blessed to have you. πŸ™‚

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    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Thank you so much, my friend! Whenever I start bitching about this kind of stuff I realize there’s some nuance somewhere that I need to focus on and just laugh so I don’t run and hide! πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

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      1. Good thinking Sam! πŸ™‚ Keep up the great work!

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  12. So true. So funny. I’m the one that follows around quietly putting stuff away, and (my personal pet peeve) turning off lights in rooms that no longer have anyone in them. If there’s a flat place w/nothing on it, he has to put something, mostly lots of somethings there. For days or weeks. I try to put stuff away, but then get accused of losing his stuff. Sigh. I’m not perfect though, I have plenty of crap floating around, so I can’t place all the blame on him. But I like to.

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