I used to talk about simplicity a lot. Simplicity of a person. Of intimacy. Of a home. Of heart. Friendship. Life and family. How very much everything has changed. You won’t hear it from me much anymore.
It’s realistic to say I have never expected ease. In any of these things. And have very rarely recieved it. I’ve never expected not to struggle. But, I realized last night that when I once spoke so often of these simplicities, it was really about the search for them. To better define it, the uncovering of them. To find them where they are. Comforts.
And I was reminded in a single moment with my father, exactly why my life has been an ongoing battle to uncover these comforts wherever I could. Wherever I can. Where my need comes from to find comfort in even the most uncomfortable of times. And why I battle every day to surround my children with comforts wherever I’m able.
We run to safety. It’s natural. It’s instinct. To protect ourselves in physical, emotional or psychological peace. We will run to it. The trouble is knowing where to go. And that question stays with us for the duration.
When the peace and safety we have built and grown to know are taken out from under us, there is a certain panic that feathers upward that has to be expected. A desperation in wondering where that cement footing has gone. And we will begin to fight for it. To regain it. Where is that person I counted on to make me feel safe. Where is that space that I felt that calm. Where is that time I had to breathe and grow in that safety. Where is the softness that I depended on. We will attempt to rebuild it, to fix it. To do anything we can to get it back. To have that feeling of quiet once again. And to give it.
I don’t expect to have comfort as a rule. Or peace. As much growth happens in the dark as in the light. Even in the darkest, and most heavy of times we will search to uncover these comforts. To soften what’s become painful. To ease hurts and bolster back up the inner quiet where that peace stayed with us. The simplicity of it all.
To be sure, life isnt about comfort. But it never hurts to have it either. Not until it’s gone.