Clearing Space for Gratitude

Simplicity is so very different than what it used to be. My needs, so very different. The needs of my children…so different. So new each day. Our reality so different. Ever changing. So new. I have learned to grasp the loveliness in this unknown. Not to be frightened.

The overstimulating, overwhelming subliminal and chaotic outline running through the days of my, then, equally chaotic mind has softly burnt out over time. Slowly, that I hardly noticed. I stand here peacefully, now, glad for it’s stark absence. It has left a path in it’s ashes that I am not afraid to follow on to the ground ahead.

My days no longer overlap my nights. There is a clean and clear distinction. I no longer destroy myself over another underneath this world in darkness. There is purity in my heart and who I live for on a bright and present plane where I am welcome and needed. There is no longer tortuous replay of cruelties in my head. I am aware of what I did and did not deserve. Consciously, I will rise above it all.

As I clear space for new blessings in my life, I can acknowledge what is done. What is gone. Let myself grow away from what is old and painful. Accept what was not real as well as what was never, ever going to be. I will be motivated, instead, by what I wish to see in my children’s future. Not operate from the cold place of past abuse. I can now acknowledge the purpose of my losses so I never let them be in vain. They will not go to waste for anyone who has not chosen my or my children’s lives. No one I love dearly will ever be buried under memories of someone who never cared for me. And did not take care with me. There will never be space for this again.

I have allowed my life to change me through these years. But not for the worse. For that, I can be grateful. I have allowed my life to show me my meaning here, time and again. For that, I can be grateful. I have allowed my life to grow around me as I find my way. For that, I am grateful. May it all continue as we hold strong together. I will not lose sight of any gift I have been given.

Simplicity has been dreadfully complicated as I have searched for and failed finding what it means for us. But I am no longer fearful of leaving my past. No longer fearful of what is ahead. There is no longer a reason. Because there is no longer space. I have left room only for life and beauty surrounding me. I am unsure, but I am no longer fearful.

We will never know what comes next. Know that much. But there is also much to love in the unknown. And it is all beautiful. I am allowing myself to embrace it fully for the first time with open eyes and a light heart. And heal in ways healthy for me. Finally. Present. Finally. For all this, I am grateful.


26 thoughts on “Clearing Space for Gratitude

  1. “No one I love dearly will ever be buried under memories of someone who never cared for me. And does not take care with me. There will never be space for this again.”
    Yesssss. There is such warmth, and hope, and promise in this post. I needed to read this today.❤

    1. Oh good! I was feeling pretty positive, I hate when the negative finds it’s way in there anyway. Part of purging I suppose! Time for reality, not anymore bullshit. Threshold is zero.

      1. Yasss! Such a better way to live – learning this myself.

        1. Threshold:Zero, Threat Level:Midnight 2. 😂😂😂

          1. 🤣🤣🤣 one of my faves

  2. You’re smart. I’m in such a state of dispair lately I find it hard to look past the immediate chaos. But you hit it head on: let go of what you can’t control.

    I’m going to peactice this.

    1. Isn’t it funny how immediate chaos defines our “everything” in the moment!? Strangely enough if I allow myself be present in those chaotic moments, I can control them much more sensibly.

  3. Perfect to do list

  4. Walking through the fire is painful, but it’s also cleansing! And the view from the other side is magnificent. So happy for you!💪💌

    1. Thank you! It’s going to be an amazing summer *and* fall for the first time in ages! 🙌🙌🙌

  5. Climbing the ladder to personal enlightenment is arduous but also rewarding Sam. Keep your eyes to blue skies.

    1. Thank you! My heart became unburdened at a pivotal time for me and my family. So excited to be free of pain this summer for my girls. It’s been too long.

    1. Oh good! That’s better than a horror story at night time 😂😂😂

  6. I think clearing space for newness is important. Lots of wisdom, wonderful post. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Michelle! I’ve been so excited to make the necessary room and I’m finally able 🤗🤗🤗

  7. Andrea Frazer May 15, 2019 — 2:10 pm

    “I have learned to grasp the loveliness in this unknown. Not to be frightened.” Yes. Me, too. But this did not come easy for me. 3 years in 12 step both for me and for my spouse which, on paper, sounds dreadful. #Loser. But I won. I found myself by finding God. And then I was able to let go of all the drama and chaos. And that left quiet which, for a long time, scared the hell out of me. But now, like you, it’s just “simple.” So grateful. And, in closing, I must leave this song for you. If you have not heard it I think, knowing your penchant for Pete’s Dragon, you might really love. (I tried to find a different version but this had a peacock so it’s my sign this is good enough.

    1. That doesnt sound dreadful at all! I mean…if it leads to empowerment and awareness, it is worth all the ‘dread’ in the world! A few years or so ago, mental or physical peace scared the absolute shit out of me. Its a time and a me I dont care to relate to any more. My health and spirit suffered so greatly. But I would know *nothing* now had I not experienced it. I have embraced the simplicity and learned not to equate drama and cruelty to ‘excitement’ or anything to be sought after. The past lies where it lies buried. Thank you for sharing your experience in this. I understand it, truly! 🙌🙌🙌

  8. “I am unsure, but I am no longer fearful.” This is so good. Being afraid really only sucks the life out of us. It’s a thief. A mentor told me once that she had to learn to “Embrace her cluelessness.” It is a constant wonder to me what we can experience when we are as you say “unsure , but no longer fearful.” There is so much power in that.

    1. I am slowly learning that the fear in the unknown can, as you said, rob us of everything. Or it can open us to being receptive to so much more. I am so grateful for the opportunity of recentering this perspective. And altering it to look forward rather than behind in a past that didn’t serve my spiritual, emotional or physical health. All so necessary!

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