A Tie That Binds

Happy Afternoon, WordPress Friends. I’m going to make my last post now as school lets out early tomorrow, thus beginning summer break for my girls and I. We are all mapped out for a smooth three months and I’m looking forward to enjoying our time together for the first summer in years.

The days will come and go. Time does not. As they say, the years are short but the days are long. I’m not sure which part of that speaks loudest to me in my here and now. But, I have missed a lot. And it’s all okay. We can only start from where we are. God willing, we start exactly where we are. And nowhere else. This is nothing if not a message to myself to remember.

People can grow. We can change for the better. We can be open to understanding our own mistakes and be genuinely repentant. We can listen with open hearts to what we have long closed our ears to. Perhaps vice versa. We can be sorry for acting out in times of indescribable pains and fear. We can care for that personal shame tenderly. Learn from it. We can learn. We can change. But we will always hold awareness that a part of us will forever be missing. That never stops. No matter the beauty ahead in new or unknown. It was all mapped out. And it is okay.

Here, I have learned that I can be comfortable and confident in my own life and skin again. Being open about my challenges and without being shamed by anyone. Most importantly to me, I have relearned it all without a vice in the world. This was a process that I do still struggle with being open about. When we happen upon our fiercest battles in life, we tend to arm ourselves. I did that the wrong way in order to survive. And in order to face those battles. It has been a long road in learning I can face my battles unarmed again as I always had before. I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. I have to forget and forgive myself that time I knew no other way. It is too painful. But I am here now, as I have been for so long, to be taken as I am, unarmed, for the rest of my days. I am terrified but know also I am proud to have withstood and overcome all I have with clean blood.

I have quietly settled into my place and my role in life again. Grateful every moment for circumstances that pushed me towards these discoveries. It often doesn’t matter who or what pushed you to be better. Or how it happened. It is a simple blessing, nonetheless, that you ever had a reason to get better to begin with. It was all mapped out I suppose. I have learned to be thankful, even for that which I was forced to let go.

I am looking ahead to the upcoming schoolyear and getting back to my own classroom and comfort zone. I have these three months to prepare my curriculum for my newest young leaders and the introduction of a Student Bridge peer counseling program that I am over the moon about. It has been my ultimate labor of love for over a year now. And will no doubt hold the honor of my most fulfilling personal reward.

This page has meant so very much to me. It is a direct line from my mind, heart and soul in more ways than I feel I could ever make known. Through much change it has been my savior. In these last few months, my health is getting the better of me, and I am needing to take life slow for the first time. As it comes. And accept that I can not do more than I can do. Acceptance has been the difficulty but I am adapting, as I have adapted before. I won’t let it prevent me from continuing to strengthen my faith and make future plans for myself and my family. I have a grandson arriving in November to lovingly prepare both my home and my heart for. So nothing is, has been or will ever be without purpose. I know that. And I know for now, I need to take my time. To be present and well. I have much hope for the future. And it is all beautiful.

All my best to you, my friends. From my heart, I thank you so much for your care and understanding over the last two years and allowing me this sacred safe space in a time of unsurety, fear, heartache, healing and great happiness. And thank you to those of you who allowed me to be a part of your days and shared your friendship and words with me. In my world that I truly open to so few, these are simple but priceless treasures.


41 thoughts on “A Tie That Binds

  1. Beverly Parkison June 13, 2019 — 3:20 pm

    As a late comer to your blog there is alot I don’t understand. But you are on top and continue to strive for the goal of life. Love you Sam…Enjoy your summer.

    1. Thank you so much for your understanding 🤗 Have a peaceful and restful summer!

  2. Fly high and free🕊 💪🙏🍀 We’ll be here whenever you need a safe place to land and rest🌻💌

    1. Oh, thank you my friend! I admire your positive spirit for the day to day struggles. Thank you for reminding me how to have a sense of humor about life’s surprises! I look forward to keeping up with your story! 🤗

  3. 💗💗💗💗💗

  4. Life has to be such a process for it to have the deep meaning we hope for. I can see you having a glorious Summer with your children and heading toward a Happy New Year. Hugs, my friend. Hope to see you soon!

    1. So very true..and I have really come to enjoy the process and mining for that meaning in everything these days. Really and truly enjoying it 🤗 I hope so as well and I will be keeping up as I can. Thank you friend!

  5. Aww so great you are taking time for your girls and having great memories with them! You will be missed, friend! 💛💛

    1. Thank you, T 🤗🤗🤗 I’m staying hopeful to strike somewhat of a manageable balance by fall… a period of adjustment and rest.

      1. I’m sure you’ll find it! And we’ll be here when you do 😊 🤗 🤗 🤗

  6. May the road be bright and shine for you – and I will be happy to hear about your travels when you return. Until then – hugs!!

    1. Thank you so much Robyn! I have learned so much from your perspectives on parenting and the joys in the struggle. Truly. I will be keeping up with you and several others until the time I can do more. You and your family have a great summer, you guys deserve it!

      1. Thank you so much, Sam!! You too!!

  7. I think I may have missed a post somewhere along the line… you’re stopping blogging?! Whatever you need to do for you, I support you in that, but if it means you leaving, know that you will be missed. I have so enjoyed our conversations and I have loved getting to see you be such an awesome dad. I know you will make a phenomenal granddad as well. Many hugs my friend!

    1. No, no you didn’t miss anything I promise 🤗. I have been shouldering a lot privately in the past 6 weeks and I’m just extremely overwhelmed right now with all the change. It’s breaking my heart but I can’t commit to keeping up this page until I get to feeling better and the baby gets here safe and fully prepared for. You have been such a faithful friend to me since we met and I’ve so enjoyed your insight on everything. I will be keeping up with you during my rest and regrouping time! Thank you, TJ!

      1. Well, if you ever need an ear or a shoulder, you know where to find me! I’ll be sure to post lots of pretty pictures, especially the gorgeous sunsets, to help you when you need a pick me up.

        1. Yes I absolutely do, thank you! And I love your pictures (also all things crafty and projecty) and don’t want to miss any 🤗🤗🤗

  8. Enjoy! We’re taking a vacation to Switzerland this year, first time the kids have been on a plane. Is bound to be an adventure.

    Have a nice summer, Sam. 🙂

  9. “It often doesn’t matter who or what pushed you to be better. Or how it happened. It is a simple blessing, nonetheless, that you ever had a reason to get better to begin with.”
    There have been so many things I thought were disasters at the time that ended up making me better.
    But there have also been things that were lovely from the very beginning that made me better too. And you have been and continue to be one of those lovely things. Your understanding of our similar….social struggles?…your insight into parenting, relationships both familial and otherwise, and just the perspective you have come to in these last two years has been beyond meaningful for me to witness. It has been nothing short of a transformation. Even through great heartache, you have put one foot in front of the other, worked through each layer of pain with grace.
    I am so thankful and proud to call you my friend.

    1. Allister! You’re so right about the disaster portion ☹ Many of mine have forced me onto the straight and narrow. And many in life have made my family stronger. Thank you so much for these words and understanding the meaning of and importance in true validation. As simple as it may sound, it is a valuable gift to the INFJ. Thank you for sharing your friendship, words and wisdom with me and always, always, always for your understanding and sensitivity!

  10. Taaa daaaaaa … it is magic time my friend.
    Smell some lavender, take pics of flirty turtles and keep on being you.
    I believe in you💕

    1. I’m not sure about magic at the moment per se! BUT I can breathe a lot easier in the uncertainty these days, so we are enjoying our time. Thank you friend! 🤗

      1. Magic always comes after the rest… around every corner… when we least expect it…. always!

        1. That’s what I am hoping for! 😊😊😊

  11. Congrats on the grandbaby. You are going to be one of those young and present grandfathers. How awesome! I am sorry about your health. (I had been wondering where you were?) But I know you’ll get through it. I wonder if the other stuff you mentioned was not, in some weird way, preparation of triumph for this latest challenge? I find (when I’m not drowning in self pity which is my go-to if I’m not careful) that things can be okay when I remember that challenges don’t happen to us. They happen FOR us to lean in closer to our higher power. To show others that experiences can’t break our spirit. And that we can always make a difference, no matter if it’s from a blog or a hospital bed. God loves you, Sam. And I don’t care what you did in the past. Who you are now, in his love, is what the people who matter will remember. God bless you.

    1. Thank you Andrea! I’m *very* excited and have been squirreling away treasures for him until I get the room painted in a few weeks. 🤗🤗🤗

      Thank you, I posted pretty regularly before class but I just don’t see feeling up to it enough to be consistent. Hopefully a shift will come.

      Thank you so much for these hopeful and encouraging words. I’ve been allowing myself to lean on our family Pastor so much more this year, his patience with all of us has been so reassuring and his family has been a blessing to my own! Take care Andrea and thank you again!

  12. What a wonderful post. ❤ I hope to see you back after the summer is over! 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Lisa 🤗 I really do as well. Looking forward to some quiet in the downtime. Talk to you soon!

  13. I wish you and your family well as you take precious time for them and for you. I hope the summer finds you strong, centered and healthy. I’ll miss your posts and look forward to reading them in the fall or when you write them. 😄

    1. Thank you so much for these nice words 🤗🤗🤗 We have been taking the summer quiet and steady so far to make sure our roots are strong when fall arrives. Have a beautiful and peaceful summer my friend!!

      1. Hi Sam, I’m so happy for you and your family to have this time. Enjoy every moment! 😃 Mary

  14. I have tears in my eyes. So happy for you. So proud of you. So sad that I won’t see your amazing posts come up in my reader because I look for them. I’ve been absent a bit lately. So much going on that I can’t publicly write about even though I think there are friends such as you who would lend an ear and probably have amazing advice. May you have a lovely summer complete with a new grandchild! Congrats! I wish you all the best Sam! Stay in touch ♥

    1. Thank you so much, Janie 🤗🤗🤗 I think I’m the most excited in the house right now because something like this to look forward to was a definite blessing and perfect in so many ways right now.

      I know the struggle of never feeling you could possibly purge enough to feel ‘right’ in the meanwhile. That was part of my problem here that my mind and body are so overwhelmed that I just…can’t. Not right now you know. I definitely will my friend! Talk to you soon!

  15. My life is better for knowing you here, however briefly. You have a good heart and I will miss your words. Happy Summer ! And thank you.

  16. So beautifully written! Thanks for
    sharing your words of wisdom.

  17. Oh Sam, here am I trying to catch up with posts I’ve missed and I see you’ve gone. I hope you’re doing well with your family and making the most of your time with them. Hugs and I’ll still be here (if a little late on occasion!) should you wish to return.

  18. I just found this post. Late I know. I often thought of you. And wondered. But this explains why I have not seen you around. And – i know you’ve returned! Bless you and your family.

    1. Thank you, friend! I hope to be here for sure. Just haven’t felt my best this year and have been overwhelmed 😣 Trying to take it easy for the time being.

      1. Know what you mean. I’ve had one of those years too. Take care of yourself. That is the most important thing. So you can be present for those VIP’s in your life x

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