It’s a strange thing walking from a friendship over into something more with someone you care for. Walking across that line together. It feels beautiful. Like home. A little mind-blowing maybe. We’ll call it breathtaking, for the sake of argument. And there is always that one moment. When you both realize it. That it’s happening. Happened. And it changes the course. Of everything. It defines the whole deal.
Life can be about warmth with someone. Finding those soft edges in one another. Landing somewhere. With them. It can be about that quiet spot independent of other activity. And forgetting for a bit. It can be about sharing part of your heart in exchange for a new piece. To hold. And keep. It can be about giving yourself over in wanting someone. Needing. It can be about tenderness and unhurried intimacy. It can be about the touch that soothes two people. And eases minds and bodies. It just can.
It’s all made unnecessarily difficult. Being vulnerable does not make you a victim. Being vulnerable does not mean you will be victimized. It simply means you have a heart that wants in the worst ways. And all the best. Vulnerability is a gift you have to offer another. And them to you. And it absolutely can make you weak for someone’s spirit. It just can.
If I can look at it objectively, which sometimes I’m able. I realize that for every harsh preacher I’ve found who walks away from their own bullshit, I’ve found someone who was soft and gentle. Not just someone I thought possessed those qualities.
There isn’t any formula for any of this. Being special to someone. Making somebody happy. Finding a partnership. Finding… “finding”. Fitting into a partnership. You can’t find something you aren’t a part of yet. But you can find ways to make one work. If that’s what you want.
I made a jump today. And I’m not afraid. I was, but I’m not anymore. I won’t be fearful for the rest of my life.
I don’t go for all that bullshit internet preaching that if it’s meant for you, it won’t pass you up. If it’s meant to be, it will be. What you deserve will come to you…bullshit. Even those saps who won the Publisher’s Clearing House sitting on their ass back in the day, still entered the contest. Continue reading “Workhorses and Dictators”