I miss my daughter. Not the trusty little mess-making, analytic one who always has a smile on her face…the other one. The one who is overly confident and scared to death of the life ahead of her, all at the same time. The one who spent years raising herself in a dysfunctional household. The one who would hold my hand even as a teenager. The one who used to hate me for my hangovers and unnecessary sharp tongue. The one who stewed in constant quiet fury over coming second to another woman. The one who depended on me. The one I disappointed. Continue reading ““I Didn’t Know What to Say””
You know, this morning I took my car in to get fixed. Something I’ve been putting off for weeks because I couldn’t physically do it. And I waited. I waited about three hours give or take. I recorded about 17 different voice messages while I waited. Listened back. Thought I’d go ahead and do it. And I think the true hesitation was that I’ve learned there’s no place left for any of it to be heard. That that was it. I’m not able to withstand if it happened to fall on deaf ears. I’m not. It’s no secret. I’m not.
I found a place outside to sit. 73 today. Breezy. Beautiful. Been a while since any sunlight has touched me. And I started noticing a lot of things. Things I’d missed. Started thinking about a lot of things. Continue reading “Not Fade Away”