Thoughts On Lost Time

Today is a day when I find I’m focused on what isn’t. Complacency has crept in. Often mistaken for happiness. I know this. And that that’s where a lot of us stay. Takes me a minute. But I know.

I despise the word Bored. I despise the word Jealous. Karma….So many. Among other negatives often carelessly thrown around. When there’s no answer in the moment.

When the moments are piling up.

When the information is coming so quick, filing itself away in colors and action. By importance. Perfunctory. Right where it needs to go. Until there’s a hitch.

And you get scared you’ve fallen behind.

Clocks are ticking everywhere and what are you doing. How are you using these minutes you’re hearing pass. Tidy them up. Catch up. Fix it. Be that. Do that. And do it now.

But, hitch after hitch…

This wasn’t in the plan. Not how things were supposed to be. This minute. This Right Now was supposed to involve something else. Someone else. This day, today, was supposed to be different. With yet a whole other plan of how the day would end. And where. With who. But what’s wrong with this plan. This day. This moment.

Not a lot. But you won’t know that until it passes.

It gets heavy. Getting caught up. Spinning. Replaying. Backing up the months, or years. No doubt wasteful and pointless. But some thoughts are beyond control. Beyond manipulation.

And you go there in complacency. You go there in happiness.

You can play in your now. In what is. No rewinding. Only a firm footing and presence. Confidence in each moment. Today is that day. Reboot. Start from the bottom. Every day. This day. Nevermind the sensory callbacks of what was, or never came to be. Today has it’s own set of messages for you. I know this.

…Takes me a minute. But I know.

Contentment can be a real joker. Keep on.

Sam

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Wonda’land!

Whether things are going well, or whether they are going to hell, I will stop by my favorite toy store for a pick me up. INTENSE amounts of stress squishies and Thinking Putty (my favorite 😍), and tons of games and fidgety gadgets, big and small. Candy…did I mention candy? Far more interesting than Plastic Fantastic Toys ‘r Us. I got some fun stuff to take up North this weekend (makes driving easier says the ex-smoker), and some new games for when I get home at the end of August. Ex.Ci.Ted!! Continue reading “Wonda’land!”

Counting My Blessings While Quoting Great Rappers

I got my list for tomorrow and I’ve made a grave mistake. Somehow I’ve confused Dolphins for Sea Turtles…😍😍😍. Turtles, though hearty, cute and full of energy, are roughly the age of three. I may be in over my head…in three feet of water. There will be a lot of tentative small people dunking their heads under a hula hoop. And me getting splashed in the face. All…day.

Continue reading “Counting My Blessings While Quoting Great Rappers”

Green Stuff, Revelations and Aladdin

On a day like this one……I will remember that I won’t be made to feel less than. I’ll know there is someone I was made for. And I will know for a fact that my love is not only a disease to be caught by someone who does not care for me. That I am worth more than I’ve been shown I am. I will know that I am absolutely not any less of a human than another. And to think…all before I’ve even left the house.

Let’s keep this streak going.

After unsuccessfully searching for my most hated Disney movie on DVD, we moved on to find the much balleyhooed Lite Up Fidget Spinner. (“Bennett has one!”). And, score.

We stopped off at our favorite spot for lunchies, and had to battle King Onion of Bageltown. Again. That guy’s not messing around. 20170621_160749

Continue reading “Green Stuff, Revelations and Aladdin”

Regeneration

The time has come to finally start making some plans. To what extent, I’m not sure, cause it’s not something I’m used to. But I know I’m out of lives on Candy Crush and TV here sucks. And I’ve got my notebooks. The ones that only I care about. Two, in particular, I’ve worn down an entire pen on alone. For me. Cause that’s what I need to think about.

As far as plans go, I’ve got a lot of things I want to accomplish this year and kick this old ass dust off my shoes for the very last time. A few things I’ve already missed out on due to emotional obstacles out of my hands, no support, and focus poorly spent in the wrong places. But I know now. Rebuild.

Continue reading “Regeneration”

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