Regeneration

The time has come to finally start making some plans. To what extent, I’m not sure, cause it’s not something I’m used to. But I know I’m out of lives on Candy Crush and TV here sucks. And I’ve got my notebooks. The ones that only I care about. Two, in particular, I’ve worn down an entire pen on alone. For me. Cause that’s what I need to think about.

As far as plans go, I’ve got a lot of things I want to accomplish this year and kick this old ass dust off my shoes for the very last time. A few things I’ve already missed out on due to emotional obstacles out of my hands, no support, and focus poorly spent in the wrong places. But I know now. Rebuild.

Adaptation, More Dirty Laundry & The Very Definition of A Good Listener

I’ve been told, ad nauseam, that I’m too sensitive…and you’re God damn right. But it’s not just an opinion. It’s a fact. To everything around me, and everyone. Every noise and every feeling. It’s not a surprise. And now, with the ‘help’ of some…we’ll call them interested counselors and psychiatrists, I’m at least partially wise to the term HSP, much to my extreme aggravation and embarrassment. But it’s become comforting the more I consider it being a thing. And not just tripe. Two and two together as it were.

Ever taken a walk, or a bike ride with earbuds crammed deep in your ears…before any music or speaking comes on. All other sound is deadened. Muffled. You’re woken up to the sound of your heartbeat. Your own breathing. The pattern of your walking. The vibration and feel of the earth under your feet or tires. You feel the movement through your whole body. From the ground up. You’re heightened to oncoming cars or any other dangers you might be missing while your ears are blocked.

Not Fade Away

You know, this morning I took my car in to get fixed. Something I’ve been putting off for weeks because I couldn’t physically do it. And I waited. I waited about three hours give or take. I recorded about 17 different voice messages while I waited. Listened back. Thought I’d go ahead and do it. And I think the true hesitation was that I’ve learned there’s no place left for any of it to be heard. That that was it. I’m not able to withstand if it happened to fall on deaf ears. I’m not. It’s no secret. I’m not.

I found a place outside to sit. 73 today. Breezy. Beautiful. Been a while since any sunlight has touched me. And I started noticing a lot of things. Things I’d missed. Started thinking about a lot of things.