Some things pass through our lives. With purpose to be found later. Some feelings teach us what we are. As well as things we did not know. Not always what we care to. They run their course. Leave their mark. Become memories. We become a memory. It fades. We fade as we serve no further purpose for someone. Life paths diverge into others. Repetition of that making it clear what we can hold on to. What little we’re allowed. Not always what we should. 

I find it hard to bear the truth that we, ourselves, are never timeless to another. Behind the face we know, changes occur. Process takes place. Growth of emotional intelligence. Needs pulled from the air of life experience. Suddenly important. Suddenly detrimental. Progress. Falling back. All new. Keeping up. Changes. It seems a battle that can’t be won. To remain in someone’s heart forever. To be promised that. To never be promised that. Repetition.

At those same hands, what is needed and desired of you will always be changing, as well. Always. Never slowing. Never predictable. No clear paths leading in or out. Minute by minute breakdowns and categorization of exchange between two people who can’t make themselves clear. Who sometimes can. What’s promised and what is not. It makes all of it seem a little more just. A little more fair, the uncertainty of that other side. A little. Repeat, repeat. This is how we learn.

I don’t wonder anymore if timelessness is merely a state of mind. I know it. I’ve also learned that it isn’t a Promise. It’s a Happening. A true destination. One to be looked back upon. Not looked impossibly forward to. While there are some things I wish I did not know, I know now what Timeless is to me. That’s when I fall without regret. And forgive without question. That’s where I’m a better man for the experience. That’s where I keep my own pleasant memories as well as hopes now passed and gone. That’s where I hold all those soft sounds, words and feelings for myself. For all time. 

Forever. The ultimate repetition. Life’s greatest learning opportunity. That is how we learn. But what can we keep forever. Some things are purely a challenge. Some are impossible. Gone in the night for one. Timeless to another. So, go ahead and define that. If you can. 

I’ll wait.




It isn’t the time. It isn’t the level. It isn’t the empty space. I’ve realized, finally, the measure of the breaking of a heart is proportional to the amount of silence you suffer through. That crushes even the matters of time and loss. Depth. Level. And that’s the correlation. The stillness supercedes all else as the cause for any pain. Ever. Nothing regenerates in a vacuum. Nothing repairs. It sits. Until it dissolves into something less noticeable. Less intrusive. That is the best outcome to hope for. And you look ahead to that. Patience. There is no way to categorize something such as this. Patience. 

Continue reading “Nothing”

Out of These Acts of Chaos Comes Order

I enjoy looking at all these things that have changed. In me. It’s not always pretty, the passage of time. But, it’s time nonetheless. We are never given enough of it. There is a lot to be said for living in your Now. But it’s also a giant heap of bullshit that you should never look back, or forward.

I don’t believe these lives to be adventures. I don’t believe them to be games or dances. Or any other silly suggestions. Certainly, we are only on a journey through. Traveling along to pinpoints on the map….but that’s not what this is, destinations and end games. Payoffs, rewards, successes. Heartbreak, grief and failure. Parenting. Needing. Providing. Wanting. All the parts of us. And where we actually become our own set of experiences. Which may be it’s own end game.

There are places that we go to retreat into what feels good. When it’s needed. We feel good. We give. We listen. All this talk of savage beasts and soothing…it’s only by heart. Ones that can touch or be touched. To either scar or heal. It’s all necessary. But, what do we do with the experience.

The distinction to me, is collecting these bits. Weathering storms. Learning. Finding inspiration. Creating and Loving. Just because you got on the plane doesn’t mean you took a journey. What did you see? What did you collect? What did you learn?

What did you experience?

I’ve said before and have grown comfortable with the fact that I’m no earthshaker. I’m content. I know my strengths, purpose, value and comforts. Perhaps nothing is normal. But we make it normal. That is a pinpoint on the map. That Now.

We tend to let these things speak for us. The good gives us confidence. Happiness. Positivity. The bad makes us hesitant. Scared. Mean. Negative. That’s where our words come from. That’s what precedes us. The Good. The Bad. Whatever it is. That’s where we’re coming from. That Past.

Our world, through our own eyes, tends to take on the form of the situations and people who have hurt us the most. It’s much harder to see the world in a frame of the things and people who have made us better. But time reinforces. I have faith in time. For all things. That Future.

This is my every day. Where I’ve settled. A constant processor. Of all that is said and done. Or seen. All that’s required and necessary. All that’s out of need or indulgent want. All that’s hurtful and all that brings me happiness. Everything. I sift through every bit of who I am every day. And everything there by cross contact…

…Friendships. Romances. Meeting of the Minds. Attachments. A new hope and a new place is a light. New room for heart and connection. Right now. We all meet on the map. We start new. Every time. Every day.

That’s the Now made of all things Past and Future. That is the experience.


Where do we find ourselves…

Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus.

“Experience”Ralph Waldo Emerson

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