Out of These Acts of Chaos Comes Order

I enjoy looking at all these things that have changed. In me. It’s not always pretty, the passage of time. But, it’s time nonetheless. We are never given enough of it. There is a lot to be said for living in your Now. But it’s also a giant heap of bullshit that you should never look back, or forward.

I don’t believe these lives to be adventures. I don’t believe them to be games or dances. Or any other silly suggestions. Certainly, we are only on a journey through. Traveling along to pinpoints on the map….but that’s not what this is, destinations and end games. Payoffs, rewards, successes. Heartbreak, grief and failure. Parenting. Needing. Providing. Wanting. All the parts of us. And where we actually become our own set of experiences. Which may be it’s own end game.

There are places that we go to retreat into what feels good. When it’s needed. We feel good. We give. We listen. All this talk of savage beasts and soothing…it’s only by heart. Ones that can touch or be touched. To either scar or heal. It’s all necessary. But, what do we do with the experience.

The distinction to me, is collecting these bits. Weathering storms. Learning. Finding inspiration. Creating and Loving. Just because you got on the plane doesn’t mean you took a journey. What did you see? What did you collect? What did you learn?

What did you experience?

I’ve said before and have grown comfortable with the fact that I’m no earthshaker. I’m content. I know my strengths, purpose, value and comforts. Perhaps nothing is normal. But we make it normal. That is a pinpoint on the map. That Now.

We tend to let these things speak for us. The good gives us confidence. Happiness. Positivity. The bad makes us hesitant. Scared. Mean. Negative. That’s where our words come from. That’s what precedes us. The Good. The Bad. Whatever it is. That’s where we’re coming from. That Past.

Our world, through our own eyes, tends to take on the form of the situations and people who have hurt us the most. It’s much harder to see the world in a frame of the things and people who have made us better. But time reinforces. I have faith in time. For all things. That Future.

This is my every day. Where I’ve settled. A constant processor. Of all that is said and done. Or seen. All that’s required and necessary. All that’s out of need or indulgent want. All that’s hurtful and all that brings me happiness. Everything. I sift through every bit of who I am every day. And everything there by cross contact…

…Friendships. Romances. Meeting of the Minds. Attachments. A new hope and a new place is a light. New room for heart and connection. Right now. We all meet on the map. We start new. Every time. Every day.

That’s the Now made of all things Past and Future. That is the experience.

Sam

Where do we find ourselves…

Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus.

“Experience”Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The Value of Static

Things come back together. Slowly. I get back in my place. Back to center. I have to be certain I was once there, as direction with no baseline to aim for is no direction at all. True I feel my way in the dark through most things. Familiar and not. Sometimes igniting the unexpected. And other times allowing me the clarity to close my eyes and let it come to me.

But it will. It does. It’s possible. And I’m hopeful. Continue reading “The Value of Static”

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