“Go Time”

We are a fairly strange species here. Our thoughts and experiences cycle. Like the rest. It all comes back around eventually. And the shade of it will be completely different…when you’re seeing it for the second time. If you do. Still part of me…but, oh how the relevancy has changed. Do I hate the word Bittersweet yet?

…On the contrary. And I’m still not ashamed. To this day.  Continue reading ““Go Time””

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Out of These Acts of Chaos Comes Order

I enjoy looking at all these things that have changed. In me. It’s not always pretty, the passage of time. But, it’s time nonetheless. We are never given enough of it. There is a lot to be said for living in your Now. But it’s also a giant heap of bullshit that you should never look back, or forward.

I don’t believe these lives to be adventures. I don’t believe them to be games or dances. Or any other silly suggestions. Certainly, we are only on a journey through. Traveling along to pinpoints on the map….but that’s not what this is, destinations and end games. Payoffs, rewards, successes. Heartbreak, grief and failure. Parenting. Needing. Providing. Wanting. All the parts of us. And where we actually become our own set of experiences. Which may be it’s own end game.

There are places that we go to retreat into what feels good. When it’s needed. We feel good. We give. We listen. All this talk of savage beasts and soothing…it’s only by heart. Ones that can touch or be touched. To either scar or heal. It’s all necessary. But, what do we do with the experience.

The distinction to me, is collecting these bits. Weathering storms. Learning. Finding inspiration. Creating and Loving. Just because you got on the plane doesn’t mean you took a journey. What did you see? What did you collect? What did you learn?

What did you experience?

I’ve said before and have grown comfortable with the fact that I’m no earthshaker. I’m content. I know my strengths, purpose, value and comforts. Perhaps nothing is normal. But we make it normal. That is a pinpoint on the map. That Now.

We tend to let these things speak for us. The good gives us confidence. Happiness. Positivity. The bad makes us hesitant. Scared. Mean. Negative. That’s where our words come from. That’s what precedes us. The Good. The Bad. Whatever it is. That’s where we’re coming from. That Past.

Our world, through our own eyes, tends to take on the form of the situations and people who have hurt us the most. It’s much harder to see the world in a frame of the things and people who have made us better. But time reinforces. I have faith in time. For all things. That Future.

This is my every day. Where I’ve settled. A constant processor. Of all that is said and done. Or seen. All that’s required and necessary. All that’s out of need or indulgent want. All that’s hurtful and all that brings me happiness. Everything. I sift through every bit of who I am every day. And everything there by cross contact…

…Friendships. Romances. Meeting of the Minds. Attachments. A new hope and a new place is a light. New room for heart and connection. Right now. We all meet on the map. We start new. Every time. Every day.

That’s the Now made of all things Past and Future. That is the experience.

Sam

Where do we find ourselves…

Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus.

“Experience”Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Darkish Day

The end of December is rolling up here again. When so much started to change for me. It’s been longer Off now, than it ever was On, which is a little difficult to come to terms with. But, like any loss or pain that changes us, I’ll probably always take note of time passed. At least for a long while yet. Time I never thought I’d have to survive. Or make it through. Just couldn’t imagine it back then. Just couldn’t picture things this far out. Here we are. 

I’m not exactly sure what I’ve proved to myself about my threshold. If anything. Some things I don’t care to reflect on as much as I do others. Some just are. And there’s nothing more to be done.

Often there’s no summation. No tying things neatly together. No end point. No answer. No fix. No reboot. Only that moment you tried to be brave. When you tried to be reassuring. Tried to smile. That moment when you knew you were never going to speak to someone again.

I can still smile. And I do. Because I haven’t quite admitted it to myself yet. Not ready, and that’s okay. It’s just one of those things I don’t care to reflect on. Not yet. Until I am, I’m content recognizing time passed, and smiling to myself about the things that came before that moment. 

The world is still moving. Life will continue to happen. To go forward. Positively. I’ve come this far and, either way, I remain grateful for the things I’ve learned about myself in the past year. The good and bad. And thankful for what I’ve been taught by those I cared for and shared time with. Good and bad. I’m trying to accept them both, along with everything else…eventually. Time will tell.

Sam

Bein’ Extra on Sunday

I didn’t have anything to do before church this morning after the dogs woke us up TWO HOURS early…so…

Here are World’s Best Brownie bites…and a tiny pumpkin family I made for my daughter last week. 🤗

…And because Random runs deep in genetic roots…here’s a pixel art she did called: 

“A Ham Sandwich Dancin’ on a Disco”

Happy Sunday, Friends!

Sam

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