Timeless

Some things pass through our lives. With purpose to be found later. Some feelings teach us what we are. As well as things we did not know. Not always what we care to. They run their course. Leave their mark. Become memories. We become a memory. It fades. We fade as we serve no further purpose for someone. Life paths diverge into others. Repetition of that making it clear what we can hold on to. What little we’re allowed. Not always what we should. 

I find it hard to bear the truth that we, ourselves, are never timeless to another. Behind the face we know, changes occur. Process takes place. Growth of emotional intelligence. Needs pulled from the air of life experience. Suddenly important. Suddenly detrimental. Progress. Falling back. All new. Keeping up. Changes. It seems a battle that can’t be won. To remain in someone’s heart forever. To be promised that. To never be promised that. Repetition.

At those same hands, what is needed and desired of you will always be changing, as well. Always. Never slowing. Never predictable. No clear paths leading in or out. Minute by minute breakdowns and categorization of exchange between two people who can’t make themselves clear. Who sometimes can. What’s promised and what is not. It makes all of it seem a little more just. A little more fair, the uncertainty of that other side. A little. Repeat, repeat. This is how we learn.

I don’t wonder anymore if timelessness is merely a state of mind. I know it. I’ve also learned that it isn’t a Promise. It’s a Happening. A true destination. One to be looked back upon. Not looked impossibly forward to. While there are some things I wish I did not know, I know now what Timeless is to me. That’s when I fall without regret. And forgive without question. That’s where I’m a better man for the experience. That’s where I keep my own pleasant memories as well as hopes now passed and gone. That’s where I hold all those soft sounds, words and feelings for myself. For all time. 

Forever. The ultimate repetition. Life’s greatest learning opportunity. That is how we learn. But what can we keep forever. Some things are purely a challenge. Some are impossible. Gone in the night for one. Timeless to another. So, go ahead and define that. If you can. 

I’ll wait.

Sam

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Nothing

It isn’t the time. It isn’t the level. It isn’t the empty space. I’ve realized, finally, the measure of the breaking of a heart is proportional to the amount of silence you suffer through. That crushes even the matters of time and loss. Depth. Level. And that’s the correlation. The stillness supercedes all else as the cause for any pain. Ever. Nothing regenerates in a vacuum. Nothing repairs. It sits. Until it dissolves into something less noticeable. Less intrusive. That is the best outcome to hope for. And you look ahead to that. Patience. There is no way to categorize something such as this. Patience. 

Continue reading “Nothing”

A Darkish Day

The end of December is rolling up here again. When so much started to change for me. It’s been longer Off now, than it ever was On, which is a little difficult to come to terms with. But, like any loss or pain that changes us, I’ll probably always take note of time passed. At least for a long while yet. Time I never thought I’d have to survive. Or make it through. Just couldn’t imagine it back then. Just couldn’t picture things this far out. Here we are. 

I’m not exactly sure what I’ve proved to myself about my threshold. If anything. Some things I don’t care to reflect on as much as I do others. Some just are. And there’s nothing more to be done.

Often there’s no summation. No tying things neatly together. No end point. No answer. No fix. No reboot. Only that moment you tried to be brave. When you tried to be reassuring. Tried to smile. That moment when you knew you were never going to speak to someone again.

I can still smile. And I do. Because I haven’t quite admitted it to myself yet. Not ready, and that’s okay. It’s just one of those things I don’t care to reflect on. Not yet. Until I am, I’m content recognizing time passed, and smiling to myself about the things that came before that moment. 

The world is still moving. Life will continue to happen. To go forward. Positively. I’ve come this far and, either way, I remain grateful for the things I’ve learned about myself in the past year. The good and bad. And thankful for what I’ve been taught by those I cared for and shared time with. Good and bad. I’m trying to accept them both, along with everything else…eventually. Time will tell.

Sam

Clearing the Path

There are times I’m introspective. Quiet. Fairly balancing out others opinions. Able to see and feel both sides. Benefit of the doubt. With love, kindness and forgiveness. And my mind churning with new ideas and vibrancy. All is well. And this is where I usually stay. A Live and Let Live…if you will. Continue reading “Clearing the Path”

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